As we start a new year, some say a new decade, we are still suffering through the throes of the worst economic conditions since the Great Depression. Other than Wall Street, who live in their own world of wealth and privilege, the rest of us are still suffering. So who not to save us but Al Qaeda?
Now, I’m not an economist. I couldn’t tell a micro even if it kicked me in the macro. And I’m not an investigative journalist. That takes work. So, I’m am going to used the tried and true methods of our foremost news organization, Fox News. I’m just going to make sh*t up.
That being said, here follows how Al Qaeda will save our economy, and, as a bonus, stick it to the insurance industry. It starts in Somalia. First, send out the pirates to hijack assorted vessels and hold them for exorbitant ransoms. Second, send that money to Yemen, either directly or laundered through the Kenyan real estate boom. Now, send assorted fools on fools errands to places like Detroit, Denmark, or even Saudi Arabia to do various dastardly deeds. Then wait for the fun part.
The United States arsenal tends to age over time. Every decade or so this arsenal gets to the point of use it or lose it. Old munitions tend to be a problem to dispose of unless you can find someone, somewhere, to dump them on. In the nineties it was dear Saddam Hussein. In the Naughty Oughties it was the Taliban, and again, Saddam Hussein. Now it’s, perhaps, Al Qaeda Yemen, and Afghanistan, and Pakistan, and? Disposing all of this ordinance upon the Al Qaeda folks, or even just blowing up their vast deserts, solves this problem. And, with the draw down of these old bombs, creates a demand…for more bombs.
Hence, the economy is saved. Our defense industry hires more and more people to build more and more bombs. Thank you, Al Qaeda. Who needs peace?
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